This space is dedicated to how it feels to suffer a loss.

Whether that be from a bereaved parents point of view, a family member, or a professional, we welcome all contributions. If you would like to add a piece to this page please contact us

The article below is written by Rosie Buckley, a freelance writer who is trying to raise awareness on important life topics. Rosie contacted us whilst doing some research for her latest article, ‘Supporting Conversations: Talking About Pregnancy after Loss with Friends and Family’ and offered her finished piece exclusively for Ayrshire Baby Loss Support.

Navigating Conversations: Discussing Pregnancy After Loss with Loved Ones

Telling people close to you that you’re pregnant after loss can be a scary feeling. There’s no right way of going about this, but this article includes some tips which might help you navigate your conversations.

It’s a Complex Topic

Sharing the news about being pregnant after loss can bring up many emotions. From excitement and happiness to feelings of nervousness and anxiety, telling others can be a complex situation.

Deciding What and When to Share

How you decide to share your pregnancy is completely up to you. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

What time feels right? Some people share their pregnancy news early, while others wait until a specific milestone. Ask your partner what feels right and decide together. Remember that this is completely up to you, don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s.

What boundaries do you want to set? Discuss with your partner what you both feel comfortable sharing; you don’t have to share everything if you don’t want to. For example, you might stick to sharing basic pregnancy updates rather than specific medical details. This can also include who you decide to share your pregnancy journey with and who you decide not to discuss it with.

The Pregnancy Journey

Everyone’s pregnancy journey is different. Many women face physical and emotional challenges along the way. There are different ways to achieve a pregnancy, some that may require more help than others. One includes IVF, which is a fertility treatment that involves removing a woman’s eggs and fertilising them with sperm in a lab. The IVF process can create even more challenges, such as relatives having misconceptions and emotional hurdles.

If you’re getting IVF treatment, you might want to keep these two points in mind:

Share whatever feels comfortable: If you don’t want to talk about a certain part of your IVF journey or would rather be vague about all of it, that’s okay. You might feel comfortable sharing more with specific people and less with others.

Addressing misconceptions: Unfortunately, many people have misconceptions about IVF, and hearing comments can be frustrating, especially during such an emotional time. Addressing these can help them better understand your situation so they can be there and support you in the best way possible.

Remember that the journey you experience towards pregnancy is different for everyone.

Navigating People’s Reactions

Throughout your journey, you may find friends and family responding to your news in a number of different ways. Most reactions will be positive and filled with enthusiasm. Other times, you might find people responding in a way that they think is kind but can unintentionally come across as negative. Here’s how to deal with different reactions

Correct loved ones if you need to: If you receive a comment which upsets you, it’s useful to address it so they know not to do it next time. It’s best not to do this in an angry and frustrated way, but instead make gentle corrections and offer guidance. For example, you could say something like, “I’d rather focus on the present rather than the future or the past.” Don’t be afraid to correct someone; explaining how you feel is sometimes better than holding resentment.

Be appreciative of support: When someone does something which has a positive impact on you, make sure you let them know. This way, they can better understand how you like to be supported.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

If you have a safe environment around you, this can be really useful when facing emotional challenges. Tell your friends and relatives exactly how they can support you. If they don’t know, this can make it difficult for them to be there when you need them. You could ask them to check in with daily texts or help with chores around the house. Having a loved one to talk to can reduce your stress levels and give you a sense of security.

Find Professional Support

Pregnancy after loss often comes with lots of emotions. This can be hard to understand or navigate, and bring up all sorts of feelings. There are many ways to reach out, such as joining online communities and meeting up with a support group. Having resources like these can help you find others in a similar situation. Having someone you relate to can be helpful, and you might learn something useful. Going to counselling sessions is another way to help make sense of your feelings.

In Conclusion

Talking about pregnancy after loss is a personal thing. It’s normal if conversations feel overwhelming or scary, but know you’re doing amazing.

Please note these links form the source reference list Rosie used in putting her article together:

Written by Rosie Buckley